You know….there was a time when I first heard this quote….and it made me truly laugh out loud. I have seen and heard this exact thing happen to many a person, including people close to me. And at the time…it seemed funny.
But not so much anymore.
As Meniere’s and Fibromyalgia are eating away at my body…they are also eating away at my mind. Brain Fog is a symptom of BOTH of these illnesses….and honestly…it is probably one of the things that makes me the most depressed.
“Brain fog, also commonly known as brain fatigue, can be a mild to severe episode of mental confusion that can strike without warning. When this occurs, it is common to experience a lack of focus, poor memory recall and reduced mental acuity.”
There are times during my days that I will start a sentence, and if interrupted (even for a second) will lose total track of what I was saying and never get it back. There are words that totally escape me anymore. I forget having conversations with people. I forget doing certain tasks….that I just did.
I hate this!
First…I hate it because I never truly understood it when other people were dealing with it. My mom has been dealing with it for years….and although I say I understood…I didn’t really. I don’t think anyone truly can unless you have actually had to deal with it. And it hurts me to think that I used to say to my mom “It’s ok…I understand” and watch her nod as if she agreed that I did. She knew I didn’t understand. She does now…but that doesn’t take away the pain I feel for all the times I said “I understand” and she sat there wishing and hoping that she had someone in her life that truly understood what she was going through.
And I hate it….because I am a LOVER of words. As a writer….I write due to my passion of words; their sounds, their meanings, the way you can manipulate them, interpret them, utilize them, exploit them, harness them….LOVE THEM!
And if I lose my ability to remember these words….how am I going to be able to write?How am I going to be able to express myself? This was my outlet. This was my way of getting out everything that I needed to expel from deep inside, instead of keeping it all bottled up festering like I did for so may years.
I don’t want this. I don’t know how to deal with this.
I am trying. I just don’t know if I am succeeding.